Eternity without Air
by Crowfeather's girl
Summary: So, this is one of those "Cas needs to find a Mate" kind of fics. Cas needs to find a mate before he is whisked away by the angel he is assigned to before the beginning of time. He had been given a week to find someone else, or he would be with the angel Shauna for eternity, meaning he would not be able to have direct contact with Sam or Dean afterwords. Rating subject to change.
1. Hurt

_Rain drizzled down upon two figures as they stood across from each other, wide eyed, teeth bared in gruesome snarls as they circled each other in the dark alleyway. They were both panting, blood dribbling down the man's face as he faced the woman._

"_You know what you must do, et you still have not done it." the woman spoke in a high, cruel voice. Her bright green eyes looked over him once more a she paced, eyes never leaving his, blonde hair dripping wet. A chilly wind followed, more rain falling upon them._

"_You cannot fight this." The woman growled. "You think you can, but you can't. We will find you again, and we will take you back." She warned, watching water dot the man's trench coat as he looked back at her, alarm in his blue eyes._

"_It will get done." He said, his gravelly voice echoing around the ally, blue eyes lowering to the ground. _

"_Do not ignore us," the woman growled, leaning in close to him, emphasis on each word as she spit them through her teeth. "Sooner or later, it will happen and you will have no power over it." The woman said. "This is your one chance. You have once week to set things straight."_

_With a blink of an eye, she had vanished, leaving Castiel alone in the dark._

_. . ._

_(Two days later)_

Weariness tugged at Dean's bones as he sank onto his motel bed, exhaustion weighing the hunter down as he closed his eyes. One eighteen hour drive down, another case to go. Dean almost groaned at the thought of it. Sam had been going non-stop with the cases, bringing him once after another. Some nights, Dean was lucky he got his four hours. They went State to State, city to city.

Dean knew Sam was only looking for Dean's trust, but right about now all Dean wanted to do was shove Sam in a closet somewhere and take a long nap. Warm waves of sleep began to wash over Dean, gently lapping at his bruised and broken skin, licking the pain away.

They had a run in with a violent spirit on their last case and with Dean's luck; he got the brunt of the abuse. The spirit had been a murder victim who was killed in a particularly cruel way. The killer had first slit the woman's throat before beginning to disembowel her slowly.

If it hadn't been for Castiel, Dean would've been a bloody mess on the basement floor of the woman's old house. Dean opened one eye, looking around the room slowly in search for his coated friend. Where the Hell was Cas? He had been behind the Dean the whole time as they walked to the motel room, where did he go?

He slowly got up, moving with care, his aching joints protesting as he got off the bed, rubbing a hand over his face. It was silent in the motel room and Dean figured he may have gone to find Sam or something, but something told Dean this wasn't right.

Grabbing his jacket, he slipped it on before opening the door. The cold North Dakota air stung his eyes as he looked around the empty parking lot for Cas. His hand automatically went to the hand gun he kept at his belt as he looked around.

"Cas!" He called, listening intently. He would usually come to call, but now Dean stood alone. That was a bad sign if Dean ever saw one. A high pitched sound of pain caught Dean's attention, the sound coming from around the corner near the soda machines. Dean picked up his pace, gun held firmly in front of him as he rounded the corner, hiding behind the soda machine. He stopped, listening, pressing himself to the side of the machine.

"Castiel, this is it. The last time." a high voice said.

"I will not - " Castiel's retort was cut off by his gasp of pain, followed by a dull thud as he fell to the ground. Dean's hand clenched around the gun as he prepared to spring out and shoot whatever was attacking him.

"You care to much and you're headstrong. Angel's were created to obey. This is a simple task that you do not even have to complete yourself, yet you -" she cut off, seething in her moment of annoyance.

"You have until the end of the week, Castiel. No more games."

Dean leapt out from behind the soda machine, gun raised high as he looked for the woman. She was gone, Castiel laying on the cold cement, blood trickling from his mouth. Dean rushed over to him, laying his gun down as he looked around.

"You bitch." he murmured, rolling Castiel over. She had gotten him good. No doubt she was an Angel, and they weren't exactly on Dean's good side. All they were to him were Dick's with wings.

"Cas. Cas buddy." Dean shook him once before attempting to hoist him up.

"Dean." he murmured, blinking his eyes once before going limp. Dean held him up, looking around once more. Cas had been weak to begin with, but an Angelic beating didn't exactly help him at the moment. And where the Hell was Sam?

_**Skip/Skip/Skip/Skip/Skip/Skip/Skip/Skip/Skip/Skip**_

By the time Dean had finally gotten Castiel back to the room and in bed, Sam had arrived bearing Cheese burgers and information.

"Dean!" He called, shutting the door behind him. "Guess wh- What the Hell happened?" he stopped midsentence, immediately question Dean as he found Castiel, bruised and passed out.

"Man, I don't know," Dean sighed, walking out of the bathroom. "He was talkin with another Angel. Found 'em like this." Dean watched as Sam's face twisted from disbelief to questioning.

"Wait a minute, another Angel? What does another Angel want with Castiel?"

"He needed to get something in a week." Dean ran a hand through his hair. "But he didn't have to. They said it would be done for him or something. What the hell is going on?" Sam nodded, arms crossed as he looked down at Castiel once more.

"Good question."

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It was several hours before Castiel awoke. He woke with a start, sweaty and panting as he looked around. His body hurt, his mouth tasted awful, like he had decided licking a rusty pole was the best idea in the world. That's when he remembered. He remembered Shauna, how she had come to talk with him again. Talk. Castiel didn't think he had ever heard a funnier joke, and being an Angel of his age, he had heard a lot of jokes.

He got up slowly, the cold air hitting his skin. He felt somewhat naked and looked down at himself. His trench coat and suit had been shed from his skin, a thin dress shirt the only thing covering him now.

It hurt to breathe and the feel of Shauna's foot against his chest came back to him as he searched for his missing clothing.

"Lookin' for these." Castiel turned around, coming face to face with Dean. He held his clothes in one hand, a bloody wash cloth in the other, his face hard and stern.

"Thank you Dean." Cas rasped, flinching at the dryness of his throat, hands reaching out for his coat and jacket. Dean pulled back, mouth pressed in a tight line.

"Wanna tell me what all that was about, Cas?" He asked, freezing the angel. He didn't speak for a few minutes, eyes searching Dean's face.

"I would rather not talk about my private affairs." Cas said in a firm voice, reaching once more for his clothes.

"But I do. Who was that chick and why was she whaling on you?" Dean took another step back, flinching slightly at the cold fire that suddenly flared in Castiel's eyes as Dean pressed him further.

"Why can't you mind your own buisness." Cas snapped, snatching his coat from Dean weakly. As he began to slip it on, he stumbled over to the bed, sitting down on it with a sigh. He looked back up at Dean, a defeated look in his eyes as he looked back up.

"You should know." He muttered. "I have to...find a mate." Cas fidgeted with his hands.

"A..Mate..." Dean trailed off. "Angel's do that?"

"A mate that stays by your side. They are devoted to you, connected to you." Cas said in one breath. "Once you become the proper age, you take on a mate that will fight by your side in battles, or journey with you when you come to Earth."

Dean's face scrunched up as he took in this information, clasping his hands together.  
"And you need to because...Why not just fly solo?" He smiled at his own pun, smile disolving as he met Castiel's glare.

"We do things differently than the human's, Dean. It is proper."

"Ok, isn't there anybody you would want to be...'Connected' to?" Dean asked, stolling over to him. "I mean, some angel ought to have caught your eye by now."

Castiel shook his head, leaning back. "I feel no attraction fo any Angel's I know...But It doesn't matter, Dean."

"Why not?"

"Because that woman, her name is Shauna. We were assigned to be mates since the beginning of time. Unless I could find another person." he said with a straight face, yet Dean could see the pain in his eyes.

"Wait, are you telling me the bitch that did this to you is supposed to be connected to you for all of eternity unless you find another mate?" Dean asked, turning towards Castiel. Cas nodded slowly.

"I cannot fight it. Once we are mated, we remain by each others side and..."

"And?" Dean raised an eyebrow.

"I won't be able to have any direct contact with you or Sam."


	2. Grace

"So...You're telling me, Ms. Angelic Bitch over there is supposed to be your mate?" Dean licked his lips nervously, face scrunching up as he tried to process this information, turning back to face the miserable angel on the other side of the room. Castiel nodded feebly, eyes trained on the ground. Some dried blood clung to the side of his face and Dean was much more aware of the bruises that were beginning to form.

Castiel met his look of concern with a an unconcerned wave of his hand. "I am fine."

"Like Hell you are." Dean growled. "You're about to be whisked away by a bitch with wings and you think you're alright?"

"I don't have a choice, Dean." Castiel snapped. Dean looked away, running a hand through his hair. "I have two days before I'm bound to her. There's no use." Castiel sighed, sitting down in the nearest chair, shoulders slumping as he put his head in his hands.

Anxiety raced through Dean's veins as he stood back, absorbing this. "Let's go find you a mate." he finally said. Castiel let out a sigh of frustration, glaring at Dean now as he stood back up.

"It doesn't work like that." he growled. "I cannot latch myself to a soul I don't feel some sort of affection for." he was standing chest to chest with Dean now and Dean could swear he saw a flash of white light in Castiel's eyes.

What had him so riled up, it was only a suggestion.

"What do you mean 'latch'?" Dean asked tentively, moving back an inch before asking. Castiel was in a no bullshit mood right now and Dean didn't need to get himself fried by an Angel in a trench coat.

"When angels mate," Castiel started, throwing Dean another glare that was worthy enough to be put under the category of Sam's best bitchfaces. "They bind their graces. It forms a bond between the two. It keeps them connected for explained, hands lacing together. Annoyance was written clear in his face, but Dean didn't miss the anxiety that had passed like a shadow across the man's features, gone just as quickly as it had come.

"Well, I'm sunk." Dean finally said, sinking onto the couch on defeat. Castiel was so screwed. What would he be able to do? In a matter of days, his only real friend was going to be whisked away by Queen Bitch and there was nothing he could do. Anxiety washed over him in fresh waves as he watched Castiel.

Affection. Castiel needed to feel some sort of affection for the human.

"Me."

Castiel's head snapped up. "No." he said firmly, meeting the gleam in Dean's eyes. "Not this, Dean." he shook his head. "You don't know what you're asking." his gaze found Dean's once more and he caught his hard headed expression.

"Then explain it to me."

"No." Castiel growled.

"You can't just tell me that and not explain!" Dean got up, advancing on Castiel until they were standing chest to chest once more, almost nose to nose.

"Dean," Castiel sighed in exasperation, his breath tickling Dean's cheek. "I am trying to save you. You don;'t have to do this. This isn't your responsibility." Castiel growled, hands fisting in Dean's jacket as he gave the hunter a sharp jerk, glaring back at the head strong hunter.

"Cas,"Dean murmured softly. "What...If I wanted to?" he blurted, trying to stifle the oncoming panic attack that was sure as hell coming on. Castiel stiffened, surprise flitting across his face as he gazed back at Dean.

"You don't."

"Try me."

"Dean," he could see what little patience Castiel had for him fade. "As a human mate, part of your soul would attach to my grace as my grace would attach to your soul. This is what will bond us together, since you don't have a grace. Then you will be eternally bound to me as I to you. Eternally." he emphasized the word.

"Well," Dean gave a nervous chuckle. "It's just my eternity. What do I have to lose?" Castiel removed his hands from Dean, backing away.

"Come one man, why not? I don't have anything else to lose. Not really." he added after another thought. "By being 'forever bound' does this mean in Heaven too?" Dean asked warily, not sure how to approach the agitated angel, who, no doubt, was on the verge of making himself a french -fried -Dean.

"Yes. When you die, I will retrieve you in Heaven where you will stay with me. Always with me." Castiel stated firmly. "And when, if ever, I am sent into battle on Earth, you will stay in _our _part of Heaven."

Dean nodded. He had two choices: Say yes and force Cas to eternally mate with him or let Physco bitch take him away. If that wasn't an abusive relationship in the making, nothing was.

"Let's do this." Dean said abruptly, pulling Castiel from his train of thought, another frustrated sigh passing from his lips.

"I didn't tell you any of this so you would say yes."

"Damnit Cas, you're not the only one who has a say in this." Dean growled, shoving Cas back. Castiel's back hit the wall behind him, his eyes coming to meet Dean's and he gave a brief nod, expression stony as he raised on hand to Dean's forehead.

Castiel's fingertip's messaged Dean's forehead as he felt the odd sensation that he was falling, wind knocked from his lungs as he blinked his eyes open, flinching back from the bright light that filled his vision. Blinking his watery eyes open, Dean peered around, breathing in fresh air.

"What the Hell?"

"No, not this time." Dean's head snapped in the direction the voice came from, mouth falling open slightly as he caught sight of his friend. Castiel stood before him, blue eyes much brighter than before and he seemed to be...Glowing. Actually glowing. Not like pregnancy or after sex kind of glow. His body literally hummed with life and power.

A soft breeze blew past them, rustling the leaves on the tree they were standing beneath. Dean looked around once more, examining their current situation. They stood, four feet apart, in some kind of garden. It was vibrant, bright rays of sunlight casting itself over the garden. Squirrels and rabbits were seen scurrying around, fighting with each other as a river gurgled by.

Heaven. At least some part.

Castiel faced Dean, his hand beckoning him further under the tree, away from the warm rays of the sun.

"We're in Heaven." Dean didn't ask, he already knew. Castiel nodded, beckoning him closer still until they were inches apart.

"Closer,"Castiel murmured. "This is where Angel is bound to their partner." his breath tickled his face, sweet and calming. Could breath be sweet? Maybe it was some sort of freaky angel thing or something. This thought nagged Dean until he met Castiel's gaze once more and he nodded.

"You don't have to do this. This has nothing to do with you." Castiel pleaded, trying to throw Dean off once more. But Dean was having none of that. The elder Winchester's mind was made up.

"Cas, let's just get this over with." he chuckled nervously, bringing his tongue over his dry lips. There was a whole new light in Castiel's eyes as he extended his hand forward, gently caressing Dean's cheek in his palm.

"It's all delicate." he murmured, stroking his cheek. Dean felt his throat go dry as he watched, engrossed waiting for Castiel's next move. His friend hummed with Angelic power, a soft glow surrounding him. He was in his home, where his power was greatest. Then he was being pulled forward, chest pressed flush to Castiel's, light gasp leaving his lips as he met the warm flesh of Cas' chest.

Castiel's hands wound themselves around Dean, searching. He peeled away Dean's jacket before he could protest or struggle, rolling up his shirt sleeve to reveal the handprint scar on his shoulder. The scar Castiel had left on his skin when he raised Dean from the pit after fourty years.

Dean's breath hitched as Castiel gently lay his hand over it, gripping him slightly as a jolt of electricity shot down Dean's spine followed by another. The bolts seemed to break off, dancing across his skin now, scorching and charring everything they could touch. Energy filled him, white hot energy washing over his insides as his body convulsed, knees buckling, little gasps of pain falling from his lips.

Through his haze of pain, he could feel Castiel next to him, feel his hot breath on his neck as Castiel's own body convulsed in spasms. Yet, through his pain, Dean could feel Castiel pressing feather light kisses to his neck, kissing the pain away as electricity shot through his, short wiring his nerves.

The wind picked up around them, hitting them at full blast, leaves showering them as they both cried out, Castiel's lips persistent on Dean's neck as they both struggled to stay upright, Castiel's hands fisted in Dean's jacket as he held them up. As much as Dean wanted to tell Cas to cut it out with the Angel kisses, he felt cool relief spread from his neck every time his lips met Dean's skin.

Then there was nothing. Nothing but Calm and serenity that filled him, lapping at his charred and short wired nerves, healing them gently. His body was humming, a swooping feeling settling in his stomach. He felt as if he was flying. That's when it struck him: He was feeling Castiel. This feeling, it was just so Cas in every way. Angelic and peaceful, calm as an ocean yet seconds away from brewing into a terrible hurricane. This was Castiel's own grace flowing freely into Dean's soul.

Dean felt as if his brain was going to explode, fry from all the power that seeped into his soul. He felt it. All the love and affection Castiel had ever felt for him or Sam. All of his awkwardness the feeling of raw anxiety as he pulled Dean from Zacariah and his guilt as he rebelled.

Through all the overwhelming feelings, Dean felt Castiel twitch and jump as Dean's soul flowed into his grace. He whimpered and squirmed, mouth still pressed to Dean's neck, breathes coming wet and hot against his skin.

Then it was over.

They both stood, chest to chest, forehead's pressed together in a sweaty clammy mess as they both fought for breath. Castiel held them up with what little strength he had left, hand still clenched tightly over Dean;s shoulder.

Cas." Dean's voice cracked as he shifted, knees almost giving out under him. His body tingled, muscles sore from their most recent episode.

"I-it is done." Castiel stuttered, pulling away from Dean gently as he helped him stay on his feet. Dean felt a pang of disappointment as Cas pulled away, face sweaty, pupils dilated breath coming in short gasps. He wanted to reach out, caress Castiel's cheek in his palm, wipe the sweat away. Do anything he could.

And what the fuck kind of thought was that? Dean pushed that away

"That...Wasn't so bad." Dean panted, moving a dry tongue over his lips as he attempted to moisten them. He looked himself over, nodding in approval. Nothing was out of place, nothing was bleeding or scarred or scratched and everything seemed to be in the correct places. Except..

"Hey Cas..Am I...Glowing?" he had noticed the faint glow that permeated around his skin as he flexed his hand, which he gazed at now, transfixed by the glow.

"Yes." Castiel nodded, straightening his backwards tie. Dean had always wondered why he wore it like that, yet didn't question the angel. Not questioning that kind of stuff was the best way to go.

"It's my grace. It shows as a warning to others that you are _mine _." Dean couldn't repress the shiver that danced across his skin as he noted the hint of possessiveness in Cas' tone as the growl passed from his lips.

Before Dean could say anything more, he felt a hot flash of anxiety pulsate through him. Anxiety that did not belong to him. His gaze found Castiel's again and it was almost automatic. Castiel stood, deep in thought, eyes on the ground as the wind picked up around them again.

Sudden realization hit Dean like a slap to the face. He was feeling almighty emotions from an Angel. Could this get any better? He was feeling Castiel. He was always going to feel Castiel. Forever.

Well.. Dean wiped a hand over his mouth. "Let's break out the beer. Someone's gotta tell Sammy."

Sam's latest bitchface said 'Dean, what the Hell were you thinking by binding your soul to an immortal Angel for all of eternity'

Dean would know because he was currently facing said bitchface, the owner not touching his beer as the three of them say around the table.

"C'mon, Sammy!" Dean chuckled. "It's not just any Angel! It's Cas!" and with that, he didn't say another word, feeling as if that rested his case. He could feel Castiel's nervous energy running through him, making him twitchy and jumpy. They had learned about the bond both of them shared. It was something all angel mates had to stay connected to each other. To know when the other needed them or when the other was in danger.

Dean mentally reached out, a hand brushing Castiel's as he tried to soothe him.

"I better go." was all Castiel said before disappearing in a whirl of wings. A sort of aching loneliness loomed over Dean as he felt the silence, frowning slightly.

"Nice one, Sam!" Dry sarcasm tinted Dean's words as he rubbed his fingertips against his temples, hoping to ease the beginnings of a headache that sat at the base of his skull. That's when he felt it: a cool sensation spreading throughout his skull, soothing every angered nerve. Quiet whispers echoed in his brain as the sensation continued body relaxing at the warm presence that flowed through him.

Dean frowned as the senastion faded, eyes opening to a very surprised Sam.

Yeah, he'd have to get used to this.


	3. Fix You

Right, well this whole 'Angel is your mate' kind of thing wasn't as bad as Dean had expected. Of course, feeling every emotion that ever crossed through Castiel was weird, but then again, Castiel was in the same boat. And Dean was human. Castiel was an angel and amgel's didn't have a large range of feelings.

Yet, this whole situation had its perks.

Like the fact that Castiel always appeared when Dean was in trouble.

Like now.

Because Dean thought the only way to get away from the royally pissed off Angel in the room was to jump from a two story window. Not one of his brighter ideas.

Adrenaline thumped in Dean's ears as he flailed in the air, wind knocked from his lungs as he fell. Well, this was a suckish way to die, really. Kinda ironic actually with all the things he's hunted, the places he's been and he was going to die by slamming head first into the asphalt below.

Suddenly, he stopped falling.

He hadn't met the cold hard asphalt, there was no pain. He met a warm embrace, his body held by warm arms that cradled him gently and he was sure he was dead. There was no pain and it was way to warm for New Jersey.

Raw fear was what made him open his eyes. Raw fear that kept slapping him, hitting every nerve in his body as he inhaled the sweet, beachy scent of Castiel. His face was pressed into Castiel's trembling chest.

"No." Came a deep growl, chest vibrating against Dean's face. Castiel's fear filled Dean as he held him and Dean's green eyes met blue as he looked up.

"Hey..." Dean tried to say as casually as possible, but his voice cracked and he felt Castiel stiffen beneath him. Castiel's eyes flashed as he cradled Dean once more, possessiveness overcoming him as he held his mate close. This had become a normal thing to the two, mainly because they were bonded so close together it became second nature to each other.

Deam reached out mentally, trying to soothe the angel. Castiel sat on his knees, holding Dean close. He had caught him before Dean could smack head first onto the cement beneath them. He felt Castiel's fear begin to ebb as Dean continued to soothe him, stroking the white connection between them with gentle fingers.

An enraged screech came from the building and both jumped, hearts stopping as they looked to the broken window, Dean scrambling to get out of Castiel's arms as he got up.

"Shauna!" Castiel growled, his sentence interrupted by a very human, very manly cry of pain.

"Sam!" Dean gasped.

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There were many things Dean could handle, but being shoved against a wall by some freaky angel telekinesis, was not one. Of course, fighting said almighty angel of the Lord was not on Dean's to do list, but then again when has things ever gone right for him. You see, fighting a pissed off, mateless, Angel was not Dean's idea of fun.

Shauna had appeared in their motel room, flinging the brothers around the room like rag dolls before they had a chance to even acknowledge her presence completely. At that moment, Dean hadn't had a clue where Castiel was at that particular moment, but that wasn't his primary concern seeing as he was then thrown through a wall into the next room.

Needless to say, that couple next to them was not happy.

Of course, they should have been his main concern seeing as they were incredibly human and incredibly scared, but Dean did the only thing he thought to do: Jump out a window to avoid being skinned alive by Ms. Bitch.

quite busy battling to the death with Castiel. A fair amount of pressure rested on his neck, making Dean scramble to find his breath as he kicked at the air, trying to pry off such invisible force.

Angel blades clang, sparks flew from lightbulbs as they exploded, windows shattering. The couple from next door were nowhere to be found. Which was funny, because Dean remembered them being there a second ago.

"Shauna, stop!" Castiel grunted, meeting her strike evenly, pushing her back. Anger pulsed through Dean. Angelic anger.

It was about to go down.

"I cannot believe you, Castiel!" Shauna hissed, green eyes flashing as she made to stab. "You mated with a human over your own kind! And not any human. HIM!" she screamed, knocking Castiel off his feet as she hit him with the butt of the blade.

"You didn't want me anyways." Castiel growled, glaring up at her as she poised the blade over his throat.

Dean struggled against his bonds, grunting as he watched Castiel, pure horror raging through him as he tugged on their bond, trying to help Castiel. No, she couldn't do this. Dean was going to kill her. He was going to tear her limb from limb if he had to. Anything to get her away from Castiel, wild desperation clawing at his insides as he fought to pry at the invisible force closing itself around his windpipe. The only thing that happened was Shauna added more force as she stood over Castiel, grinning wildly now.

"You and I were ment to mate." she hissed, dragging her blade across his skin now. Castiel writhed under her as she pressed it to his skin. "It was written since the beginning of time. But, you were never one to follow rules, were you Castiel?"

Red erupted before Dean's eyes as she slashed the blade across Castiel's skin, a deep cry falling from Castiel's lips. A gut wrenching pain hit Dean like bricks, burning in his chest as he sank down the wall, black quickly replacing the red. The emotions that filled him overwhelmed him. Both Castiel's and his own surged through him, making his dizzy as he struggled to breathe, a fresh wave of red erupting before his eyes as he sank into unconsciousness, a bright blinding flash of light the last thing he saw before the deep sea of darkness swallowed him whole.

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Dean met consciousness a few hours later after a nice meetup with a headache and happy Reunion with cracked ribs.

And of course, Sam's bitchface of death.

He was living the dream.

"Do I really need to say anything!" Sam snapped, clacking away on his laptop. Dean shifted over the sheets, looking around in confusion. Where the Hell were they? How did they get here? Last Dean remembered, they were stuck in a motel room with a very pissed off angel on their hands.

"Cas!" Dean sat bolt straight up in bed, meeting a headrush that made is head spin. The bright flash of light filled his vision once more. No. She couldn't have.

"Gone." was all Sam said, not looking up from his laptop. Dean felt his heart drop as he tried desperately to reach out towards their bond. Nada. It was shut tight. A wall seemed to ave formed between them and Dean's stomach churned as he scrabbled at the wall.

No. He couldn't be gone. That couldn't be his holy light. That couldn't have been Castiel's grace dying.

"Gone?" Dean's voice cracked as he got up. "What do you mean gone?"

Sam looked up, removing his hands from his laptop. He was brandishing a heavily bandaged hand and a nice cut along the side of is face.

"I mean, he brought us here and disappeared. Jesus Dean, what's your problem." Sam shot him a questioning look as Dean exhaled, relief swamping him. Only relief. It was eerie. Castiel had shut him out and left him alone. The bond was a way of communication between Dean and Castiel. Castiel would talk to Dean from Heaven when he wasn't around while Dean would talk to him from Earth when he could.

Cas had finally began to open up. Hell, they were gonna spend all eternity together. Dean would tell him about his day and Castiel waited patiently until he was done before going on about his own. The bond was a way for Dean to know where Castiel was as Castiel used it as a tool to find Dean quickly. Now Cas had sealed it off, blocking him out, leaving him restless and lonely.

"Found anything?" Dean rubbed his fingertips into his temples, gently trying to message the migraine that was beginning to erupt there.

"Uh, yeah. Widespread of murders, all in the same area." Sam turned the laptop towards Dean, taking care not to disturb his bandaging. Dean sat down, pulling the computer towards him as he began to skim the article, trying to absorb from information from it. He failed. Drastically. As he skimmed the article, he couldn't help but try to scratch at the wall, scrabbling as it held against him.

Dean had gotten so used to having Castiel close. Castiel was his best friend. Castiel was someone he was connected to on such a level that there was no possible way to be connected to a person more.

As Dean read the article over, abandoning the thought of trying to scratch the wall, he felt something soft brush his cheek. It was soft, softer than anything he had ever felt before - except one thing. Castiel's wings. Dean could never forget the day he first saw Castiel's wings. Not the shadow in the barn that Castiel had stirred in order to scare Dean. His real wings.

_"Dean!" Just before the demon could stab him, he felt something pull at him from behind, warmth inclosing him as the demon advanced, teeth bared and eyes blackened. Dean's face was tucked around Castiel's shoulder as he held him, letting out a grunt of pain as the Demon stabbed him, yet Dean did not see any blade. He couldn't see anything except the wall of feathers that surrounded them completely now. _

_Castiel's scent enveloped him, calm washing over his brain as Castiel's hand came to rest over his forehead and then, they were back in the motel room. Castiel was wingless and Dean was panting, looking around again. Dean watched Cas carefully, feeling his mate's (wow that was weird to say) frustration and fear once more. Dean was left with one pissed off Angel, and he tended to know how these types of situations ended: Dean's ass on a stick shish-ka-bobbed. This was not a good idea._

_"Taking on that demon alone. You're lucky to still be alive." Castiel threw the words in Dean's direction in his usual gravelly tone._

_"Couldn't have waited for Sam, could you?" Sam had been researching up on the case they were one now. Dean didn't like waiting around doing nothing when more people could die, so he took a little drive. Meeting a demon was just a side effect of being a Winchester._

_Dean didn't open his mouth, leaning against the wall as he watched Castiel pace. It was just best for him if he let Castiel blow off steam. He would calm down soon enough. _

_"I didn't think I needed to babysit you, Dean." Castiel snapped, throwing a blue eyed death glare in Dean's direction. "You may be staying in Heaven with me, but I didn't think you to keen to join me just yet." Castiel growled and Dean reached out, stroking their bond more to try to calm down his angel._

_'I'm sorry. Really, I am.' Dean whispered in his mind, noticing Castiel visibly relax. He heard a small flutter if wings as Castiel readjusted himself, straightening slightly and wincing._

_"Cas?" Dean stood up off the wall, advancing towards him. "Can...I see your wings?" he hadn't gotten a good look at them in the heat of the moment. He felt Castiel's surprise but Cas obliged._

_Suddenly they were there. Everywhere. _

_The stretched further than anything Dean had ever seen. His heart skipped a beat as they expanded, mouth falling open as he gazed the beautiful things that had just sprouted from Castiel's back._

_They were beautiful. Stunning. Absolutely gorgeous. As these compliments ran through his mind, he saw Castiel visibly blush, ruffling them. They were Midnight black, but the tips were blue. The color of Castiel's eyes. But something was wrong. Dean's eyes widened as he noticed the twisted and out of place wings. The scorched and bloody places._

_"Cas...No...Your wings!" Dean whimpered pitifully, reaching out to brush his hand gently over them. Castiel shivered as he did so, craving the attention Dean was giving his wings._

_"They are healing." he told him gently. A small unhuman noise fell from Dean's lips as he gently looked over his left wing, gazing at the wound on his left wing. _

_"They are healing," Castiel repeated, attempting to soothe the distressed hunter. "You saw a shadow of them, that night we first met. The shadow would not show their true condition. No human could take in their true form, but you can because my grace is one with your soul." _

_Healing from what?_

_Dean's stomach twisted as he pieced two and two together. _

_Castiel had laid siege to Hell for forty years in his true form, fighting off Demons and other horrors as he searched for the Righteous man. The pull Dean's soul had on Castiel's grace was incredible, stronger than anything Castiel had felt. His poor, broken soul shone dully in Hell's fires as Castiel listened to the screams coming from its victims._

_He had to be sure he was the Righteuos man they were looking for. He had to be sure. Dean's soul had been so broken, so cracked and dull. Something had really destroyed him. Something Castiel would have to fix. _

_Castiel fought off Alastair and the Demon's that swooped in to stop him from yanking Dean's soul, yet he held on tight, cradling his soul in his hands as he pulled him up. _

_"You fought against me." Castiel mused. "It wasn't easy getting you out." _

_That was him. That bright light that Dean had seen before he found himself in the pine box. Castiel's feather's rippled, shivering as Dean started to comb them now, guilt rolling off him in waves. Castiel had done all that for him. He didn't deserve it. He deserved to be down in Hell now. _

_Castiel's eyes flashed, gaze trained on Dean. "Don't you ever think like that." Dean jumped as he growled once more. Right, weird angel mate mind reading thingy. Creepy. _

_"You drown yourself in self-loathing and hate, but you've never thought about all the good you've done. All those people you saved. You sold your own soul for Sam to live. You think of other people first and yourself last. If you keep doing that, you are going to die, Dean." _

_Silence followed his words and Dean finally met his gaze, which had softened. _

_"Fixed you." Castiel murmured. "I sewed your broken soul back together. I made you whole. I built you up, bit by bit until you were you again, as pure as you were before. I wouldn't have done that if you weren't how and who you are, Dean Winchester."_


	4. Show Me

Patching up an injured Angel of The Lord was not on Dean's extensive list of special skills.

Driving was.

But driving when said Angel of the Lord appears in your lap while going seventy down the interstate, limp and bloody...

Well that didn't help.

It also didn't help that Sam screeched like a girl.

Dean jerked at the wheel, panic overwhelming him as he realized what was happening, adrenaline pumping his veins as he tried - and failed - to keep the car on the road.

"Cas!" Dean groaned as the car gave a violent left turn, crossing into oncoming traffic. Horns blared, tires screeched against pavement as cars swerved to avoid hitting the out of control car. Castiel lay limp on Dean as they flew off the road, swerving to avoid trees, Sam still screeching in the passenger seat.

Dean slammed his foot down on the breaks, hands clutching the wheel as he began to loose the feeling in his legs, tires slipping in the grass, metal groaning as it spun sideways, narrowly missing a tree before landing in a clearing, car giving a violent jerk as it settled.

Everything was silent as the car settled, Sam taking in deep breaths and most likely trying to a find a way to excuse his girlish freak out, but Dean wasn't paying attention to him. Panic clogging his throat, he shook his friend's shoulder, hitting at the wall that separated their bond once more as he shifted, trying to wake him.

"Cas?" he croaked.

"Castiel!"

_**Linespace/Linespace/Linespace/Linespace/Linespace**_

Hauling back an injured, limp Castiel was no easy task. Of course, he had no help from Samantha, who had finally calmed down from his melt down. The only help he got was the motel keys and Dean was determined to lock Sam out for not helping him carry the bloody angel into their room.

Cas was unconscious the whole time, head lolling back as Dean struggled to get him through the door, one arm wrapped around his shoulders, the other around his front. Dean grunted with relief as he dumped Cas onto the bed, his relief short lived as his eyes once again found the bloody stain that shone across his chest.

Dean had stripped him of his trench coat and suit jacket, hoping to find the problem. Well, he had found a problem alright. Head pounding, Dean thoughts clouded as he tried to think of what he would do in a time like this. First aid kits were always the best way to go, but there was no Heavenly first aid kits designed to treat Angel's. Or Angel doctors. How the fuck was he supposed to do anything that could help?

Fuck it, this was the best they had.

"Sam!" Dean called, hands rummaging in the cupboard as he looked for the first aid kit that should be hiding in the corner. Sam hadn't answered and Dean swallowed back a flash of frustration at his brother, his hands finally meeting their purchase.

He had struck gold.

Clutching the small first aid kit, Dean all but ran from the bathroom, finding Castiel in the same lifeless position as before.

_No. No. No_

Sam was clicking away at his laptop, eyes scanning the screen as his gaze flickered back and forth between the lifeless Angel and his laptop. Dean came to a stop next to Castiel on the bed, hovering over him as he looked for his injury, eyes coming to a stop at the blood stain, dry blood beginning to crust around it, turning a dark brown color. He set the first aid kit down, unsure of how to proceed before he finally began to undo the buttons numbly.

He wasn't going to loose him like this. Not at all.

He found the cause of the bond, no doubt. Breath catching in his throat, he watched as blood kept seeping from a large slash in chest. Maybe it was just the vessel. He flipped the first aid kit open, looking for anything useful in patching up a wound like that, sighing. He would have to use his own stitching kit. Yet, as he turned away, a bright white light caught his eye. Entranced he turned towards it. It was shining from Castiel's wound faintly, flickering slightly in the air around it. Dean gulped.

That was Castiel.

Dean's stomach flipped as he began to shake, mind encouraging him to reach forward, to place his hand upon the wound and fell Castiel's grace pulse under his hand. To feel Castiel pulse under his hand. To feel Castiel's life force so near his own.

He hadn't realized his hand was stretching towards it until it lay itself upon the wound, gripping his chest tightly as a bright flash filled the room, exploding the windows around them, Sam's cry of surprise muffled as everything shook around them. A curious sensation filled him, something that left him breathless and hungry for more.

Breathlessly, Dean opened his eyes warily. He hadn't known they were closed until this moment. Green eyes met drained blue ones as he stared back at a breathless Castiel.

_**Linespace/Linespace/Linespace/Linespace/Linespace**_

After the little light show Dean and Cas had put on, they were met with a wide eyed, unamused, hair singed, unamused Sammy whose bitchface radiated as much nuclear power as Castiel's explosion.

Dean hadn't much time to think of Sam and his hair troubles, spending half and hour stitching up sleepy Castiel, who now lay, neck deep in pillows and blankets, asleep. Which Dean found strange considering Angel's didn't need sleep.

That worried him. He had spent the last thirty minutes stitching him back together, trying to resist the urge to touch him again, to feel the same curious feeling he craved now. As soon as Sam realized what was going on, he turned tale and ran like the little girl he was, scooping his computer up, running a hand through his terribly singed hair, slamming the door shut behind him. Dean was sure he wouldn't back. He was also sure he had only ran because he didn't trust Dean not to cause another small nuclear explosion.

Castiel's grace was delicate and Dean couldn't help his hands from shaking as he began to carefully sew him up. It had been a success but Dean still couldn't help but frown as he watched Cas sleep, worry aching in his bones.

Castiel shouldn't be sleeping. Something wasn't right here.

Dean had been clawing at the wall that barred him from Castiel for the last ten minutes, finally giving up to check on him, coming to a stop beside his best. His shirt was unbuttoned halfway, revealing the bloody gauze that was wrapped firmly around his chest, keeping his stitches in place.

Dean was aware of the vacancy in his mind. Castiel's presence had always been known in the back of his mind as soon as they had been mated. It was a soothing thing to know that he was there, always jumping in to help whenever there was danger. He was one of Dean's best friends to date, but he couldn't help the feelings that were stirring in his couldn't help but wonder why he was feeling this. True, he had always felt a sort of connected with the angel since their meeting in the barn, blue eyes bright, hair messed up and sticking up in different directions. Yet, his eyes gleamed with satisfaction and wonder as he gazed upon the Righteous man he had pieced back together from the bowels of hell.

His eyes roamed Castiel's figure once more, breath hitching as he watched him sleep. His face was relaxed somewhat, but Dean could detect a hint of pain...and sweat.

What the fuck.

Angels don't sweat.

Yet there it was, a thin sheen of sweat lay of his forehead. Raising an eyebrow, Dean placed a hand gently to Castiel's, hot, sweaty forehead. The guy was running a fever. Angel's didn't run fevers.

"Cas." Dean murmured as softly as he could, trying to keep the rising panic out of his voice. Was he falling like he had before. No. No he couldn't be. Dean began to rub his shoulder, trying his best to wake the sleeping angel.

"Cas, wake up." he said somewhat firmly, nodding in satisfaction as Castiel shifted, face pulling in discomfort. "Cas, buddy, come on." Dean sat down, prodding at his shoulder now. Castiel groaned, eyes opening slowly and he gazed back at Dean, eyes dark with sleep.

"I feel awful." he rasped, sounding as if he had spent a year in the Saudi Arabian desert.

"You don't look any better either." Dean chuckled nervously, wiping his sweaty hand on his jeans. "You're running a fever. Man, I thought that couldn't happen."

" I am weakened." Castiel said stiffly, sitting up and leaning against the headboard, eyes drooping shut once more.

"Weakened? By?" Dean prompted. He could see Castiel grit his teeth, keeping his eyes shut.

"Our bond. I've shut off our bond." was all he said.

"I know that." Irritation laced Dean's clipped tone as he pressed a hand to his forehead. "But why. Why shut me out like that." he demanded. "You could have died and I wouldn't know!" he pointed at Castiel's recently stitched chest.

"Oh you would have felt it." Castiel murmured. "Like a supernova exploding in your head." was all he said as his breathing began to settle.

"I did it...I did it because I didn't think...You shouldn't have to deal with this.." his sentences came out in weak, half mumbled. "It..Would be to much for you."

Dean watched him, the gears in his head turning. He had never realized how much Castiel may be holding back from him. How much he had kept back in case it overloaded Dean's sensitive mind.

"When you touched me, that was the part of my grace in you trying to reconnect." Castiel mumbled sleepily.

"Buddy, looks like holdin back is draining you." Dean finally said after a moment of silence. Castiel nodded. "Mates are supposed to be bound, not separated." he sounded like a small child trying to fight sleep.

"Then open it." Dean all but growled, laying a hand on his friends - mates - shoulder. Castiel shook his head, eyes scrunching up in stubborn defiance.

"No, Dean." he said firmly. He could still say it in such a way that sent chills up Dean's spine. "It's to much for you to handle." Before Castiel could finish his sentence, Dean's mouth was on his, hot and wet as he silenced the injured angel. Castiel stiffened, Dean's mouth working his over, hands greedily running down Castiel's legs making the angel shiver before relaxing, kissing him back with as much fever.

"Dean," Cas murmured against his lips. "Dean, no." he murmured once more as Dean slid in next to him, arms wrapping themselves around him. "Dean, please." his body was tensing now.

"Show me, Cas." Dean whispered, sucking his bottom lip between his own. "Show me. Show me." he chanted and a gasp elicited from Castiel as he tensed and for a split second, Dean felt as if something was tearing in the back of his mind.

Suddenly, everything was bright, soft blue light enveloped him as a steady stream of energy. He felt his breath coming in gasps, fireworks exploding behind his eyeballs. He felt Castiel's cool hands roaming him, his mouth pressing soft kisses to his neck once again. The energy soon began to make sense, branching off into different memories, feelings, thoughts and events. Things that happened thousands of years ago, memories that occurred a week ago.

Dean gasped as something hit him. Something so strong, it knocked the wind from his chest. Everything Castiel felt. His every thought, every feeling towards Dean. Dean could felt like his brain was beginning to melt, but he didn't want this to end ever. He dove into them, pulling at he bond, stroking it in a loving way as he discovered Castiel. Betrayal, disapoinment, despair, anger, love.

With a gasp, Dean pulled away, gripping the bond tightly as Castiel kept delivering kisses, soothing him as his eyes opened, greeting brighter blue eyes.

Without saying a word, Dean pulled himself weakly to Castiel, ignoring the sweat that was pouring off him in sheets as he crashed his lips to his, pouring every thought, feeling and need into the kiss.


End file.
